The Finger Wag

Instead of just banning Twitter 90 minutes before a game until after the media interviews, I propose a new rule for the NFL.

Just simply deactivate the Twitter accounts for players on all the teams under .500.   That will avoid inspirational messages like this, from Keith Bulluck of the 1-6 Titans.

kbull53

(keith bulluck)

Went 2 bed early las nite & still drag'n this morn...maybe I went 2 hard on Margarita Monday. Nah there's no such thing as go'n 2 hard On 125 days ago. from Twittelator

mw55

(Michael Waltrip)

Everyone keeps staring at me. I think they know who I am. On 139 days ago. from UberTwitter

Trust me, no one knows who you are.

mw55

(Michael Waltrip)

No wait. Check that. My pants were unzipped. Darnnit. On 139 days ago. from UberTwitter

There we go.

I attempted to try and tie this into some cool story about Waltrip or NASCAR but that’s almost impossible because the lack of anything cool by either party. So here is the most badass thing Waltrip’s ever done – from Wikipedia

On Saturday, April 7th of 2007 the Catawba County, North Carolina Highway Patrol reported that Waltrip was driving approximately 70 miles per hour in a 55 mile-per-hour zone when at about 1:50 a.m. he lost control of his Toyota Land Cruiser which resulted in missing a curve. After going off of the road’s right side Waltrip then veered back across the pavement then onto the road’s left shoulder. After sliding sideways his vehicle collided with a utility pole resulting in an rollover with the vehicle finally resting on its side. A neighbor of Waltrip’s testified that she witnessed Michael crawl out of the top of the vehicle (at that angle the passenger doors) then leave the scene of the accident barefoot, carrying his shoes, through the woods on the mile journey to his home.

mw55

(Michael Waltrip)

Everyone keeps staring at me. I think they know who I am. On 139 days ago. from UberTwitter

Trust me, no one knows who you are.

mw55

(Michael Waltrip)

No wait. Check that. My pants were unzipped. Darnnit. On 139 days ago. from UberTwitter

There we go.

I attempted to try and tie this into some cool story about Waltrip or NASCAR but that’s almost impossible because the lack of anything cool by either party. So here is the most badass thing Waltrip’s ever done – from Wikipedia

On Saturday, April 7th of 2007 the Catawba County, North Carolina Highway Patrol reported that Waltrip was driving approximately 70 miles per hour in a 55 mile-per-hour zone when at about 1:50 a.m. he lost control of his Toyota Land Cruiser which resulted in missing a curve. After going off of the road’s right side Waltrip then veered back across the pavement then onto the road’s left shoulder. After sliding sideways his vehicle collided with a utility pole resulting in an rollover with the vehicle finally resting on its side. A neighbor of Waltrip’s testified that she witnessed Michael crawl out of the top of the vehicle (at that angle the passenger doors) then leave the scene of the accident barefoot, carrying his shoes, through the woods on the mile journey to his home.

VernonDavis85

(Vernon Davis)

Got a meeting, then im going to catch a few balls and get a massage On 140 days ago. from Sidekick

When your coach is famous for dropping his pants to motivate players, I’m going to suggest using the phrase “catch a few passes” instead.

When I first read about Balloon Boy I wondered what retired Buffalo Bill Thurman Thomas would have to say about it…

thurmanthomas

(Thurman Thomas)

2 reality shows,this balloon,and they take there kids to chase tornadoes!!!! On 144 days ago. from Echofon

thurmanthomas

(Thurman Thomas)

Balloon family needs there butt beat in public On 144 days ago. from Echofon

I love the internet

Harp41

(Roman Harper)

RT @BGSport Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else. On 147 days ago. from web

This is a good thought… but is it really fit for re-tweeting?

I didn’t think so.  Therefore I traced this re-tweet back an few levels and found something amazing.

I found an absolute goldmine of inspiration tweets.  Tweets that read like a unicorn crapped them out onto a “Quote of the Day” calendar and sold it to Oprah’s publishing company.

And it comes from a man we could all learn alot from…

And that man is LL Cool J.

Aside from teaching us that ladies do, in fact, love cool jams (we got that right from the name… he’s been giving us lessons since birth) and from proving that if you’re writing a song for a movie about killer sharks, you can actually use the chorus “Deepest/ Bluest/ My hat is like a shark’s fin”, LL has taken it upon himself to enrich our lives.

Take a look for yourself www.twitter.com/llcoolj

It goes on and on. Every few hours.  And there are no “non-inspirational” tweets to be seen.

Twitter needs to start a new verification level called “Verified Schmaltz”.

Maurice Edu is a member of the U.S. National Soccer team… but that’s not all he does.  He spins a good mystery….

MauriceEdu

(Maurice Edu)

omg this cant be happening!! twitterworld i need ur help! im in trouble! this is bad, real bad! i need u guys right now! cant believe this! On 147 days ago. from web

MauriceEdu

(Maurice Edu)

omg if u guys can help, please let me know! wow man, cant believe this!! smh!! On 147 days ago. from web

MauriceEdu

(Maurice Edu)

i dont know what to do! This shouldn't have happened! man this is bad! On 147 days ago. from web

There is no explanation so far as to what happened.

I hope I’m not making light of what may be a serious situation.  But I also hope that in serious situations Maurice doesn’t turn to the “twitterworld” for help.

Also, what does “smh” mean?  I bet it’s a clue.

Update: Maurice Edu has laid bare the full details of his tragedy.  Read more to find out what happened.

Read more »

Venuseswilliams

(Venus Williams)

hey everyone, i've been taking a short twitter break. I couldn't think of anything interesting to say but now i can On 159 days ago. from web

A twitter break? Do athletes really do this? I thought they were all addicted.

Ok I guess I can understand this, probably after the fiasco that ensued after her sister’s foot fault. Take a little break from the media and let things settle down. I am sure her next tweet will be about her career, the next match, maybe addressing that incident. Something has to be incredibly relevant to bring her back to the world of twitter after a long silence. The fans must know!!

5 Minutes later….

Venuseswilliams

(Venus Williams)

I want to download this movie Night at the Roxbury but they don't have it on itunes. Dang they don't have Footloose either, lol On 159 days ago. from web

That’s it?

That is what brought you back to twitter and your fans?

Night at the fucking Roxbury?? On iTunes???

If I had to watch a movie on an iPod I would stab myself in the eye. You are rich as hell and watching stuff on a 3 inch screen??

I have never seen Night at the Roxbury, this is because I like to see enjoyable movies. Who am I to criticize someone who likes to watch horrible movies to punish themselves?

stafon13

(Stafon Johnson)

Thank you every1 4 all the love and support On 160 days ago. from txt

If you haven’t heard the story of Stafon Johnson by now you are behind the times. If you ever lifted weights this story will hit home. Stafon was listing 275 pounds when the bar slipped out of hand and landed on his throat.

His throat.

Read more »

Here’s Trumaine McBride, a young cornerback for the Bears…

trumaine26

(Trumaine McBride)

I want some PotBelly's.... On 161 days ago. from Echofon

And then eight minutes later…

trumaine26

(Trumaine McBride)

We need a Sonic's in the area!! On 161 days ago. from Echofon

I don’t know about you, but when I get a particular craving it sticks with me until it’s satisfied.

But this inspires two rants.  The first is Wikipedia.  Since I am not the Chicago Bears GM, or an annoying Bears fan that acts like he’s better than you because he memorizes the teams 5th cornerback and then forms some sort of opinion on them like, “I really like that kid,”  I had to look McBride up.

Here’s what Wikipedia says about his current status:

“After suffering a knee sprain in the 2009 season opener against the Green Bay Packers, McBride was waived/injured by the Bears and subsequently placed on injured reserve.”

What in the world does that mean?

Second, Potbelly Sandwiches are a completely worthless addition to the American menu.

(Or is it “Potbelly Sandwich Works”? If it is, I’m even madder.  I checked, it is.)

You know how there’s that guy who starts a paperclip factory or something stupid and gets rich.  So you think, “Business is easy, just make something and sell it.”   But then you see how 9 out of 10 businesses fail in the first year.

So which is it?  Because I know of tons of resturaunts that go out of business, but Potbelly spreads like wildfire?  They have done nothing creative whatsoever.  They simply make sandwiches and have a clever name.  End of story.  The sandwiches are nothing special.  Overpriced.  Surly customer service.

So is business easy or hard?  Are all those failing businesses run by idiots that fall for Ponzi schemes or instruct the custodians to dry the floors with cash from the register or something?

Should I open Fatboy Sandwich Factory and give you an undersized Ham on Wheat for $8.50?  I’m hungry now.  Thanks, Trumaine.

Update: Ok, first Sonic and Potbelly.  Then a few minutes later, Trumaine tweeted again.  It might be time to worry about the Bears conditioning program…

trumaine26

(Trumaine McBride)

I can finally get an upper body workout in today.. It's been 2 weeks since I've touched a weight! On 161 days ago. from Echofon

Though after Stafon Johnson, I’m deathly afraid of weightlifting.